Roadside Attractions Ranked

Nothing this side of apple pie is more American than the road trip. Driving 5,000 miles is a great way to see the country in a whole new light. Taking in the changing scenery, sampling the diverse cuisine and meeting a friendly assortment of people all contribute to the experience, but the most uniquely American part of the journey is the roadside attractions. These weirdly interesting oddities are part of what can make a long car ride great. Sadly, I was not able to see the world’s largest ball of twine, but here are the top ten weird and wonderful things I encountered on my journey.

10. Homer at the Ballpark

I was in Albuquerque for the Breaking Bad RV Tour but was able to find a way to celebrate The Simpsons, another of my favorite TV shows. On the show, the Isotopes are Springfield’s hapless baseball team. I also use the name for my equally hapless fantasy baseball team. The owners of the minor league team in Albuquerque decided Isotopes would be an excellent nickname for their team as well given New Mexico’s history with nuclear weapons. I had to check out their team shop. It was a cold, rainy February day at their stadium, so no surprise I was the only one there. I had no clue that Homer would be sitting right on the stadium concourse across from the shop, but I’m glad the store clerk agreed to take this picture for me. Sorry Albuquerque History Museum, I’ll find time to visit next time I’m in town.

9. Skijoring Poster

I made it a point to stop in as many Interstate Welcome Centers as possible on my trip. A future article may be forthcoming! In Wyoming, the welcome center representative was super excited about the Skijoring event happening in Sheridan that coming weekend. As he told me, it’s a skier being pulled by a horse, and it was going to be insane. Sadly, I wasn’t able to stay until the weekend to check it out, but I did snap this advert about it that the clerk was proud to tell me done by an animator from Pixar. He was right. It does look insane. I’ve added it to my list of things to check out in the future.

8. Air Mail Arrow

My brother-in-law sent me a text while I was on the road telling me to be on the lookout for airmail arrows. Back in the 1920s, when the postal service rolled out airmail service, there wasn’t any sort of navigational system to help the pilots get from one city to the next. To help with this problem, a series of beacons was created using 50-foot light towers and concrete arrows guide pilots in the right direction. As soon as I got the text, I knew that finding one of these would be a requirement. Thanks to some internet sleuthing, I was able to locate one at the tiny Newark-Heath airport about 30 miles outside of Columbus, Ohio. Pretty cool. I’ll be looking for more next time I drive ¾ of the way across the nation.

6.Longaberger Picnic Basket Building

I had never heard of the Longaberger company. Thanks to Google, I now know they make very expensive picnic baskets. I only learned this because somewhere south of Cleveland, they have an office building shaped like a picnic basket. This makes perfect sense. I think more companies should follow this example; maybe not the fine people behind American Standard toilets though.

5. Giant Eyeball

There is a giant eyeball in downtown Dallas. I have no idea why it is there. It’s in a closed off park area that appears to be used for private parties. I could look up who created it and their reason for putting it in the heart of Texas, but that would ruin the mystery. Instead, I’ll just continue to appreciate its bizarre eccentricity in blissful ignorance.

4. Cadillac Ranch

In the liner notes of Bruce Springsteen’s album The River, there’s a picture of the Cadillac Ranch next to the song of the same name. It looked like someplace strange and worth checking out. I forgot about it for decades until my brother-in-law, who should really become a road trip travel agent, mentioned it was on my route in north Texas. Not stopping was not an option. A tradition there is to spray paint something on the cars. Sadly, a steady 25 MPH wind prevented me from doing that. I’ve never seen paint spray sideways before! Still, seeing 10 wildly colorful old Caddies planted in the ground was worth the stop.

3. Man Walking Dinosaur

Taking a road trip in winter is not the smartest thing I have ever done. Driving is a challenge. Outrunning a winter storm cuts into your time to seek out roadside attractions. Heading east on I-90 outside of Rapid City, South Dakota in blowing snow, I spied this man walking a dinosaur skeleton out of the corner of my eye. I want to thank whoever put it there for putting a smile on my face as I steeled myself to pass another semi kicking up snow and ice onto my windshield.

2. Rapid City Presidents

Mount Rushmore is a spectacular site to see outside of Rapid City. What captured my attention just as much were statues of all the presidents scattered throughout their downtown. It’s surreal to see George Washington in front of Starbucks. Locals also seem to like putting hats and scarves on the statues in the winter. I’m sure Andrew Jackson appreciated someone worrying about his head not being warm. I may have spent a few hours in twenty-degree weather hiking around the city and killing my iPhone battery trying to photograph as many of the presidents that I could, but I’ll never admit to it.